A Lettet to The Worst Magazine Ever

Dear Parents magazine,
You fail. You are nothing but a gigantic advertisement for shit no one needs.

Out of 171 pages, 86 of them are an add or contain an add. For junk food, medications, pet supplies, cleaning supplies and just other random junk.

Let me break it down.


Green Mountain Coffee
Gerber Graduates
Plum Organics
Crystal Lite Liquid
Keebler Cookies
Kraft Macaroni and Cheese
Kraft singles
Ranch dressing
Valasic pickles
French’s Flavor Infuser
Quaker Oatmeal Cookies
Oscar Meyer Deli Fresh Meat
Turkey Hill Ice Cream
Post Cereal
Similac Powdered Formula
Enfanil Powdered and ready use formula

I would never buy or feed my family any of this sugar, fat, artificial, GMO garbage. Except the coffee and Plum Organics.

Why would you advertise some of the most unhealthy foods possible. The only veggies I saw were in the Wendy’s salad (which is fast food) and covered in ranch dressing, what’s the point?

Beauty / Body Products

Johnson & Johnson Baby head to toe wash
Secret deodorant
Curél Itch Defense Lotion
Neutrogena daily cleanser
Neutrogena Acne Wash
Ora-jel toothbrush & toothpaste
Pantene Pro-V hair care solutions
Dove soap bar
Bio Oil
Schick Intuition Razor
Always pads
Banana Boat sunscreen
Huggies diapers, pull ups, little swimmers and wipes.

Again nothing on this list I would actually buy. Except the diapers. Most of these products are full of harmful chemicals (looking at you J&J) and I wouldn’t use them.

Medication, ect

Little Critters gummy vitamins
Daytrana Patch (ADHD Med)
Dulco Ease
Pedia Sure Sidekicks
Gardasil (HPV vaccine)
Auvi-Q (talking epi pen)

Direct marketing from pharmaceutical companies has caused the hypochondriac to damn near never leave the house. You now have all symptoms to all diseases and need ALL the drugs!

I do like the gummy vitamins as they contain fruit juice for the coloring and have no artificial anything. At least the brand I use doesn’t.

Cleaning Products

Tide detergent
All detergent
Arm and Hammer detergent
Oxi Clean
Swiffer/Bissell mop
Samsung washer & dryer
Hoover vacuum

Laundry never ends…. stop reminding me!

Pet Supplies

Seresto flea collar
Front Line Plus flea Med
Bentiful Chopped Meals
Adam flea and tick Med

I thought this was a parents magazine. If I want pet meds I will get a pet magazine, thanks.

Other Crap

Identity Gaurd
Behr Paint
Bubble Guppies DVDs
Inch Bug
Citi Bank
Preschool Prep DVDs
JC Penny Portraits
Kumon Learning Centers
3 pages recapping previous advertisements

So I guess you will take money from ANY company and just slap an add in there.

Thanks for the gigantic waste of time.

Your disgruntled half reader

Now I would not really write a letter to Patents magazine about their adds. Its a business, I get it.

I’m just shocked that about half the magazing is an add for horribly unhealthy foods and other junk I would rather not see on EVERY other page!

I used to read Parents from cover to cover. I would ignore the crappy advice and delight in the personal stories and recall announcements.

I lost ALL respect for the magazine when I came across a two paragraph blip about how supplementing breast milk with formula can help you breast feed longer. They actually quoted a lactation specialist saying so.

I’m not saying that’s not true for some women but that is not how it was presented. That’s when I took note that there were over six formula adds in that particular issue.

That fuled my interest in how many adds were crammed into an issue and how many articles were written about baby/mommy products.

Most of the time I throw out the magazine with the other junk mail. Tonight I decided to have a little fun.

An Awkward Mother