Revisiting My First Post and a Disclaimer

My first post was fueled by anger and irritation. A silly Facebook meme that condones hitting children and how it is perfectly ok. I wrote a heated and emotional rebuttal and really did not pay attention to spelling and grammar. I posted it to Facebook and was torn apart by someone I don’t really know all that well. A friend of a friends husband decided to tell me how much he disagreed with my view, which is ok, than offered to edit my post for me because it was almost unintelligible. I feel like he threw in the offer to hurt and embarrass me because my position on hitting children offended him. This caused deep shame in my ability to have a blog and articulate my feelings. which is the exact opposite of why is stated this blog. So I reached out to my Instagram Community and pleaded for an editor. A very nice woman that I follow offered to edit my post for me and did so for all of the post except this one.

This is where my disclaimer comes in. Writing a post, emailing it to some one and waiting for it to be sent back is breaking the flow of my thoughts. I need to be able to write as I think and get it on the blog ASAP! My editor has done a wonderful job =) I am truly grateful that someone stepped up and offered help at my desperate pleas. But like I said, its breaking my flow. So as of now I will no longer have my posts edited. If grammar and punctuation are a problem for you as far as reading my posts, feel free to unsubscribe or un-follow to them. Grammar, punctuation and basic  math have always been a really problem for me my whole life. I will not let that stop me from doing what I want to do. So you can take it or leave it. (And thank you for taking it!!)

An Awkward Mother

Thoughts about this post? Please leave a comment!!

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Weaning a Toddler

I knew from the moment I found out I was pregnant I would breast feed my child. I didn’t know how much work it would be. Once she was born, I didn’t know if I could ever get the hang of it or if I could continue through the first two weeks. 

My major concern was feeding her, is she getting enough, will we make it through this part of our lives together?

Never did the thought of weaning her enter my mind. I always assumed she would wake up one day and just be done, leaving me heart broken and emptying my full breasts into containers to be donated.

As we came to the first year of breast feeding I was thrilled we made it through the hard times, nursing in public, nursing on demand at all times and continuing to nurse.

By 18 months I was still happy to be breast feeding her, but started wondering when she was going to let up a bit. She just seemed to love it so much I couldn’t bare to take it away from her and break her baby heart. 

Then I started feeling self conscience about nursing a walking, talking toddler… in public.

She is super demanding. When she wants “boo boo” nothing can take her mind off of it! She has never had an attachment toy, blanket or binky. It has always been me. 

Saying no, trying to redirect or offering food and water has NEVER worked. It only amps up her insistence.

So one night last week when I was particularly exasperated with this boob buffet system we had in place, my Husband and I discussed seriously weaning her. Just down to a few nurses a day with the goal of completely weaning soon.

I work Monday through Friday till five and attend night school 3 days a week and don’t get home until almost 8 on those nights. I decided to nurse her right when I get home,  before naps and bed time and at night if she wakes.

The first night, Thursday, did not go well. But that was expected. I got home around 7:45, let her have at it till she was done and than cut it off. No more boo boo till bed time. Bed time is at 8:30 p.m. She screamed hard until than.

The 2nd day she did better, but there were still lots of tears and pleads for her favorite past time. By Sunday she was marching around the house saying “no boo boo till night night” and smiling. She still asks frequently, but doesn’t throw a fit when she doesn’t get it.

This is something I did not think possible. Every outing, every new experience was a melt down if she didn’t get to nurse on her terms. And it was making me resent nursing so long.

Taking the steps slow and gentle and allowing her to grieve with patience and understanding is helping the process. 

How did you wean your toddler? Did she do it on her own or did you actively try to stop? 

An Awkward Mother

Baby Led Weaning

Baby Led Weaning or Baby Led Solids was coined by Gill Ripply, a midwife and former health adviser.

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Eating can be messy!

BLW means giving your baby real foods in their whole states. No purees, baby rice, special baby foods or snacks. Nothing but the same foods you are eating. It is putting trust in your baby to feed them self. Trusting them to eat enough and be done when they stop. No one more bite.
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I came across BLW when I was looking around for good ways to introduce solids. I didn’t know if I wanted to make my own food or find a good company that made wholesome foods. I found a blog about BLW with amazing pictures of all these babies eating big food! One 8 month old was sucking on a steak! It was almost mind boggling because I had never seen or even heard of this.
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I will say my husband was less thrilled. He was afraid of choking and kinda had his heart set on spoon feeding her her first meal. my pediatrician practically freaked. “NO no no, you need to mash the food” he said.
I did it my way and she has never choked. Gagged yes, choke no. Hubby got on board but always cut her food up tiny tiny just in case!
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So how do you start?
Baby must be 6 months old.
She must still be getting breast milk or formula as main meal. Start slow, you don’t want to start with a gigantic meal. Trust your baby to explore the food without a focus on getting him to eat it. Sometimes babies need to get used to the look and feel of foods before they actually eat it. Restrain yourself from guiding the food to her mouth, she will get it eventually! Remember that this is a learning process and it may take a while for your baby to really start eating a good amount.
Some good starting foods are;
Banana with the Peel cut away like a handle for grip.
Avocado with some Peel attached.
Lightly steamed carrots.
Slices of plumb or ripe pear
Steamed green beans
Any food that he can grip and get to his mouth!
Once your baby gets the idea of eating you can introduce all kinds of foods!
There is a book called Baby Led Weaning by Gill Ripply that explains every thing pretty well. I found it to be informative but repetitive.
Most of the information on BLW revolves around exclusively breast fed baby’s because they are used to eating what they need and stopping when full. However I believe this approach can fully work for formula fed babies as well.
The basis of BLW is giving your baby control and trusting them to feed themselves and stop when full.
However you decide to feed your baby, the most important thing is to give them your love and attention while doing so. Whether it be breast or formula, purees or a big piece of broccoli!
What was your baby’s first solid food?
An Awkward Mother

On Breastfeeding a Toddler

I breast feed my two year old still. My walking, talking toddler. My little girl that can walk up to me and kindly ask, “Some boo boo please?”  Two is too old to be nursing? Sorry she didn’t get that memo.

Some days I feel like a really bad mom. I want to eat breakfast without having her nursing in my lap. She does not understand why she can’t nurse and has a fit. I make her wait while I finish, all the while she is sobbing heartbreaking cries, as if someone had slapped her. I feel like a really bad mom.

Before a birthday party I explain to her that she cannot have boo boo at the party. She repeats “No boo boo at the party.” And a half hour after we get there, she asks to nurse. I take her out to the car and tell her she can nurse out here but not inside. As I’m walking out to my car, I pass a pregnant woman (girl? she looked young) smoking a cigarette, explaining to some relative of hers that “The doctor says I am in so much pain with this one because it’s my 4th baby in such a short amount of time….” I feel like a bad mom. I feel bad that I live in such a society, that I feel the need to nurse in the car, so no one will judge me for nursing my toddler, but this woman had no shame openly smoking while pregnant.

Every time I pick up my knitting or crochet, every time some task demands my full attention, she wants to nurse. I know it’s so she will have my full attention and I feel guilty.

Every time I nurse her I have mixed emotions. She is so sweet and only wants mama; she is so suffocating I can’t do anything. 

Just tell her no. Only give it to her at home. Deal with the crying. Deal with the fit. Make her wait. Only give it to her at night. Just tell her no….Easy to say when you are not her mother. I know you are trying to help. I wish you understood.

As much as I love nursing her, I’m over it. I want to move on. As much as I’m over it, she is not. So honestly that is where I am with it. I want to be done and am slowly trying to wean her by telling her no, offering food or drink, redirecting her and ultimately giving in when these things fail.

An Awkward Mother

Toasted Coconut Coffee

I love coconut! This was at the register at Target and honestly it was an impulse buy.

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It is so gross. It taste like Parrot Bay rum dumped in coffee….. with no alcohol. But what did I expect from artificially flavored coffee?

So I made my own toasted coconut coffee this morning and it was pretty good! My mother in-law had a bag of Birds Eye frozen coconut in her freezer and gave it to me for my experiment.

 First I preheated the oven to 350. Then I spread the the thawed coconut on a baking sheet and baked it for 5 minuets, stirred it and baked again for 5 more minutes.

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After it cooled I ran it through the coffee grinder, placed it on top of the coffee grounds and brewed my coffee like normal.

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The coconut flavor was very subtle but good!

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An Awkward Mother.

Please excuse any grammer errors. I did not have an editor for this post.

I Don’t Hit My Kid

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I have seen this posted on Facebook as peoples status numerous times.

Instead of commenting on the persons status and possibly hurting someones feelings or making them upset I decided to take this regurgitated bull shit and break it down. 

So you laugh at people who choose not to spank / swat / hit  their children? Because you know better than the parents of said child. Because you have had your own children, who you spanked, you are an expert on all children. My child? 

You don’t hate your own parents, you have no trust issues with them. Well that must apply to ALL children than right? No child who is spanked will ever hate there parents or have trust issues, because after all they were just getting what they deserved, right?

 You feared screwing up and doing things your way. So I should pass that fear to my own child….. I should suppress my child’s instincts to try things her way. I should squash her curiosity and replace it with fear. 

Oh you respected your parents? Well that’s nice. Because it really seams like you were just scared shitless to make the wrong move and fell in line. And don’t you dare step out of that line, or you will get smacked. SPANKING = RESPECT? 

You claim that you were not abused just disciplined. And because people do not hit, oh I mean “discipline”, that’s the problem with the worlds children to day. Humm, seems like the people that are the most messed up had messed up childhoods. You, nor anyone else, can lay claim to what the problem with kids today is. Why would you respect some asshole who hit you all your childhood? RESPECT = RESPECT.
So if you are not giving it you damn well should not just be expecting it.

 As an adult survivor of child abuse, I take issue with this type of mindset. YOU are the adult, you should be able to control yourself. Children learn from what they see their parents doing. If your child is a disrespectful little shit, you better check your self.   

Comment if you got your butt smacked and take issue with it!

– An Awkward Mother

A blog

Starting a blog is something I have thought of for some time. Then I kept talking myself out of it. Who the hell wants to read what I have to say? I do not feel like I can be the “real” me on Facebook or other social media. I feel like there is always going to be someone who gets offended or has some negative shit to say. I can get my real thoughts and feelings out in writing, but most of it is not for everyone else. Its for myself to help myself organize my thoughts and for a little therapy. And sometimes it is for you. Some thing to read, a window to another life, a gimps at an awkward mother.