It has been almost two weeks since Harper has been completely weaned. Other than the emotional and physical pain I was experiencing we had sleep to deal with.

Nursing to sleep (and all damn night) was how it went for the first year. When I went back to work she had to learn to take naps with out me. My husband Naples with her, he loves to sleep. My mom and MIL would rock her and sing. They all worked it out.

I was never able to put her to bed any other way than nursing her. Some nights if I tried to get up after she had fallen asleep she would wake up and cry until I came back. This is why our $400 crib, $100 crib mattress and $150 bedding set went unused! So glad I bought that shit! Those nights sucked. After working all day and giving her my full attention until bedtime I wanted some time with my husband or to myself.

So now what? I had to turn to the ones who had been putting her down all this time with out the boob. The first few nights no one one got any sleep. We wires through it and found that she just wants you to rub her back and tell her stories. Jack and the bean stock and the 3 bears are the winning night time stories right now. I find myself falling asleep midway through most of the time.

Tuesday morning something amazing occurred to my. My daughter slept through the night for the first time EVER! It has been 2.5 years of nursing to sleep, being the only one to put her to bed and constant interruptions all night long. It felt crazy. It must be a fluke! But she has kept it up 3 nights in a row.

I still feel sad about weaning but she sleeps snuggled up to me so we are still close. Tonight she asked to sleep on her little bed ($100 crib mattress on the floor next to our bed) and fell right to sleep. Tonight might be her first night sleeping solo.

Though it was very hard to be her only night time comfort for so long, I would not change it.

An Awkward Mother


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